I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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