my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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