69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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