Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
