I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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