K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
