I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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