how can u be prego again
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
