Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Randomize
