Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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