The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize