Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
