Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
