he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
