It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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