I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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