Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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