somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
