I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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