Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
