I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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