it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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