I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize