she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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