i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
