playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
