I hate your face
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
