can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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