Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
only you would photoshop your dick
He felt like a one man threesome
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
