your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
