I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
