I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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