i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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