billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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