My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
