you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
