I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
