i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
