grandma shit on top of the toilet
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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