remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
