i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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