you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
