"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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