can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
