I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
