I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
