I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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