No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
