Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
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