You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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