I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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