didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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