I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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