Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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