I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
