We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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