Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
