and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
