No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
