He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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