Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
