I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
