I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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