dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
