Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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