U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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