Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
